Goodbye, my first love
by Dwmalove
Summary: Who knew you would go with your heart on a trigger. I never meant for this to happen.
1. Natsume

Hello! I'm going to be fixing all of my stories. I've received some reviews about checking them, so I'll start with the shortest one and slowly move into the longer ones! HAPPY READING!

* * *

I will gladly give everything I have to go back to the way things were before.

"I will gladly give my whole life; Just please don't go."

"Please, don't leave me!" I sob as I attempt to stand up once more, only to fall back down onto the cold hard ground.

In front of me is the love of my life. His body slowly losing it's warmth; paler by the minute. His chest mixed with dirt and blood, eyes barely opened. His eyes are Crimson red, the shade which I've always loved.

"Mikan, don't cry," He says as he makes an effort to open his eyes. He lifted a hand in an attempt to remove my tears.

"Don't. Don't talk. Please." I beg him. My eyes red and puffy. I search for his wound, putting pressure in order to slow the blood from coming out.

"Don't cry. You look ten times uglier when you do." He grins. I Tilt my head to give him a kiss on his hand.

Why does this have to happen? Where's everyone? Why isn't the ambulance here yet?

_I'm afraid. I don't know what to do_. I look around seeking answers, But there's nothing. All around me there's only dirt, dust, rusty pipes and old boxes.

_Wasn't it enough when they took my father —the father I never met— and my mother; my mother I only got to know 3 times?! And now him. The man that I love so much. The man that suffered so much since he was 9_.

_Wasn't our stay at the academy enough? I'm such an idiot, I should've known this was a trap._

"Mikan," his deep pained voice brought me back from my thoughts. I look his way only to see more blood. i search for his fainting pulse.

"Don't move please. Help is coming." I beg him, holding back my tears. I look into his eyes. I see_ him_. I see the boy I met when i was 10. I see the teenager who gave his life. I see the man who's cheated death since a young age. I see the man asking me to be his fiancee. I see his demons. I see Natsume.

"I'm not gonna make it-" he coughs out blood. "-please" he ignores me and continues. "-Mikan get out. I'm not going to do it on time. I can feel it. My Alice is going berserk." My eyes widened at this.

"Don't worry about that! I'll contain it," I concentrate last piece of alice into him. Hope finds a way into me. He has the shortening life alice. The more he uses his alice, the more his life spam is reduced.

A pure white glow emits from my hands, but it quickly vanishes. I try again and again and again, horror painting itself on my face,"NO!" i shout.

_This can't be, it simply cant. Of all times, why now? Why does my ability disappear now?!_

He smiles. Oh god, that Smile. It's bittersweet, it hurts. I stroke his soft raven hair to try to keep his eyes open.

"Mikan, I want -'he cough"'- to tell you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never thought I would ever love anyone as much I do now. You've always brought light to me. Polka, Mikan, you've always been the one for me, the only one-besides Ruka, who's truly been with me.

"I would have loved to marry you. Mikan, you've changed me. I don't regret this. If it meant doing this all over again to save your life, I'd gladly repeat all of this. So smile, smile for me. I love you, Mikan, Forever and always."

"I love you, too, Natsume!" I smiled tears streaming down my face.

"Mikan I love you. Please even if I'm gone don't...don't forget about -he cough up more blood than ever- ...me," I kissed his forehead,"I would never."

He smiled a river of tears mixing with blood. His beautiful crimson eyes disappearing behind his eyelids. Panic flows through me.

"NATSUME...!" I shake him.

"NATSUME ! Please wake up. Natsume. Natsume. Natsume. Natsume. " I keep

shaking him.

"NATSUME I LOVE YOU. PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME. STAY WITH ME." i search his wrists for his pulse, but there's none.

"Natsume please don't leave me. Not you too...natsume." I cried harder. My eyes puffy and redder.

He can't be gone. He just can't. We promised. We did the alice exchange. So why? Why are we parting ways?! We exchanged our Alices. The ritual was completed. Why did our red string got cut? Were we never meant to be?

I bury my head onto his chest, sobbing and howling out his name in agony. Heart aching as a thousand memories flow into my head.

* * *

"Now for the next show is someone...unexpected. Let's all applaud for... NATSUME HYUUGA!" A chorus of applause and whistles were heard across the whole Alice Academy. On stage came a boy around 15 years old, with messy raven hair and sharp ruby eyes.

Nevertheless, this was odd. Natsume didn't like attention, he despised it. Everybody in the audience wondered why he was suddenly on stage.

"Shut up." He said in a very annoyed tone. As if by magic, everyone grew quiet. No one risking getting a fire ball thrown at.

"I'll sing this song for someone special." He said in a firm tone, eyes searching the crowd. Now this, made everyone even more curious. Glances were thrown around the room. As if on cue,3 more boys appeared on stage. Ruka , Koko, and Kitsu. They each took an instrument on stage.

The three of them started to play. Nobody had heard Natsume sing. Each person was on the edge of their seats, anxious. They'd known he could sing, but ears had never heard such sounds. At last, he started to sing.

**I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun,**

**An angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun..**

He started to sing the chorus and everyone went wild, grins and racing hearts all around.

**Get out your guns, battle's begun,**

**are you a saint, or a sinner?**

**If love's a fight, then I shall die,**

**with my heart on a trigger.**

His left hand made a shooting motion.

**They say before you start a war,**

**you better know what you're fighting for.**

**Well baby, you are all that I adore,**

**if love is what you need, a soldier I will be.**

He raised his hand high to the sky.

**I'm an angel with a shotgun,**

**fighting 'til the war's won,**

**I don't care if heaven won't take me back.**

**I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.**

**Don't you know you're everything I have?**

**..and I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight.**

He looked down.

**Sometimes to win, you've got to sin,**

**don't mean I'm not a believer.**

**..and major Tom, will sing along.**

**Yeah, they still say I'm a dreamer.**

**They say before you start a war,**

**you better know what you're fighting for.**

**Well baby, you are all that I adore,**

**if love is what you need, a soldier I will be. **

His eyes spotted a certain brunette

**I'm an angel with a shotgun,**

**fighting 'til the war's won,**

**I don't care if heaven won't take me back.**

**I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.**

**Don't you know you're everything I have?**

**..and I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight.**

**ooooohhhhhhhh, ooooooohhhhh whoa whoa oooh whoa**

**I'm an angel with a shotgun..**

**fighting 'til the war's won..**

**I don't care if heaven won't take me back..**

He looked straight at the girl. He smirked as he saw her cheeks flush a deep shade of pink.

**I'm an angel with a shotgun,**

**fighting til' the war's won,**

**I don't care if heaven won't take me back.**

**I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe.**

**Don't you know you're everything I have?**

**(I'm an angel with a shotgun)**

**..and I, want to live, not just survive, tonight.**

**(Live, not just survive)**

**..and I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight.**

**They say before you start a war,**

**you better know what you're fighting for.**

**Well baby, you are all that I adore,**

**if love is what you need, a soldier I will be.**

Students and teachers clapped in admiration, but none of that mattered to him. The only thing important was that _his girl_ heard him.

"This song is to a special someone. I dedicate this song to the girl that has Been with me in my darkest day. The girl that annoys me every single day and keeps wearing childish pig tails." He says into the microphone like it's no big deal, but the hint of a smile graced his features. T

"That girl is Mikan Sakura." Cheeks flush when the girl realizes the meaning of the song.

"Mikan, will you do me the honor of being your boyfriend?" His eyes softer and his ears red. Gasps fly around the room.

"Of course you idiot!" Mikan runs from her seat, her heart wild. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. she flies up the stairs and into his arms. Microphone falling to the ground as he catches her. Tears of ecstasy caressing her cheeks and his arms embrace her tightly.

"You heard her. Get away from her. She's mine."He smirks to the crowd in a possessive tone, under it specs of felicity. Mikan flushes again and glances at Hotaru, only to get a small smile.

He turns her way and kisses her cheek.

A teacher comes up to the stage. "Well that was unexpected. Clap for the band!" He yelled and winked at Her and Natsume

Natsume walks off the stage holding her in his arms bridal style. She couldn't help but admire his eyes, full of happiness and love.

* * *

Who knew he'd die with a trigger to his heart.

The memory triggers fresh tears. She clutches his chest. She cries because he's gone. She cries because he's her best friend-lover. Because he'll finally wont have to fear for his and her safety. She weeps because he won't have the nightmares that keep him up. She screams because he'll finally be free. She screams because he'll be safe. She cries because she wont feel his arms around her, wont hear his voice calling out her name, won't see his alluring Ruby eyes. She yells and howls his name because of their broken future. She gasps for air and cries because he's the man she loves.

Voices are heard from outside.

"Mikan! Natsume!"

The door bangs open and in comes Ruka and Hotaru. Their eyes take in the details and finally their gaze fall on me and my disheveled state. My clothes torn and dirty, but more importantly the body I'm holding onto. I cried more when I see them. Hotaru runs to me and take me in. Ruka searches for a pulse. shakes his head. Hotaru cries Ruka tries to keep strong but his tears keep flowing.

Hotaru tries to take me off his body. i resist. My eyes cloudy from tears. I don't know how long I laid there. Weeping and hugging him tight to me.

_Goodbye, my first love. Natsume, I love you..._


	2. Author's note

I know, I suck.

Last time I was here it was like 2014-2015.

I apologize for leaving you guys in suspense with my unfinished works.

I'm honestly very SUPRISED people even read my stories.

Thank you, sweets! ️

I've been reading the chapters and MAJOR CRINGE.

It's so unorganized and it feels too crowded.

I started these fanfics back when I was around 13-14 years old.

Writing here in Fanfic. Net helped my confidence grow as a writer.

It's something special to me.

However, some of you might have noticed I deleted some unfinished works b/c let's be honest, it's too much.

Now, I'm going to be going over the fanfics and reshaping them.

Aka= editing.

Which brings me to my second point

I've moved from Fanfic. Net over to Wattpad.

Not shocking, rightttt?

Anyways, I've started a new original book.

It would mean the world to me if you guys could check it out and give me a second chance.

I promise I won't leave you guys hanging with this one.

Here's my info:

Story: The Girl Behind The Chains.

Link: my. /UiNb/F77VmmgXzE

Username: dwmalove

There's not much of a difference except for the lowercase D.

Thank you so much for reading my stories and encouraging me to update. Every review filled me with so much pride and happiness because it meant that somewhere in the world, people liked what I did. People wanted me to continue. Thank you, readers, for making my days and filling it with smiles and fluffy feelings.

I'll be updating The Girl Behind The Chains regularly now since it's summer vacation.

I'm so excited to be sharing a piece of me with you, guys!

Thank you for taking the time to read this and happy reading if you do decide to read my story.

Until next time! ️

whispers* you'll get cookies if you read my book.


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